My Week in Ashtanga Yoga (3.12.18-3.18.18)

Dwi Pada Sirsasana is screwing with my entire mind and body. When I’m in Dwi (or trying to be in Dwi..) my nervous system is in complete sensory overload. I hear vibrations.. My vision blurs or sometimes I see large black spots.. I can’t breathe.. I feel paralyzed; unable to move; unable to escape; unable to continue forward. My whole life kind of feels like Dwi Pada Sirsasana right now and it’s a bit overwhelming.

Due to the muscles that are apparently developing in my lower back, backbends are also extremely painful for me right now. I’m struggling mentally to even convince myself that I can do them. I am really lucky to have sought counsel in a few trustworthy Ashtanga yoga teachers, including my own teacher, who have experienced this firsthand. They assured me that as long as I continue to show up and do my practice, it will all work itself out.

While speaking with other Ashtangis who have been through similar experiences in their practice was comforting, it is ultimately up to me to put the work in to figure it out. No advice that anyone gives me is going to suddenly allow me to put both my legs behind my head. But I know that I have the capacity within myself, with the help of this practice, to work through whatever life might throw at me.

Choosing this practice means choosing to have faith that everything will work out despite how uncertain the future might seem right now. It means showing up on days when you feel good and days when you feel horrible. It means desensitizing yourself to extreme discomfort in order to find the strength to deal with the uncomfortable things that come up in your life outside of the yoga studio. Most importantly, it is always there to reassure you that the future holds great rewards (enlightenment) for those who continue to do the work right NOW.

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